A couple of months back, I sat down to pour out what was on my mind. I could not write more than a few lines. My mind was like a car stuck in traffic jam, preoccupied with interfering thoughts. I could not think further. My head hurt and my eyes strained to focus; then I saw a white light.
I make an attempt almost 3 months later today to pen down what I saw that night; trying to strain my brain and remember every detail. Its hard. But I know I have to see it to completion.
That night...
A sharp pain was ripping my head apart. I was dizzy. The light was too dim , my drink - too strong and the music - too loud. I was standing alone in a crowd. As the alcohol took control of me, I drifted to an unfamiliar world. My conscious mind had taken a break and the guy that normally makes decisions for me was gone, no where to be seen in the vicinity. I was a body without a soul - a mere skeleton wrapped around in flesh.
Then the infrequent visitor came by, talking to me in a low grunt. Passive yet authoritative, calm yet piercing. It was the voice in my head that I could not ignore. "Look up!!", he said. As if I was issued an order, I looked up.
Amidst all the people bumping into each other, pushing and pulling one another to get to the bar, I saw her big beautiful brown eyes through the curly hair that partially covered her face. Even in the dark, I knew she was looking straight at me. That gaze bore holes in my head. The sadness in her eyes was unmistakable. She was lost in world alien to us. It seemed like she was trying to convey a message. Blood was dripping down the corner of her mouth. I could tell from her smeared eye makeup and the puffed up, swollen eyes that she had been crying for a long time. It was as if she had woken up from an afternoon nap.
I make an attempt almost 3 months later today to pen down what I saw that night; trying to strain my brain and remember every detail. Its hard. But I know I have to see it to completion.
That night...
A sharp pain was ripping my head apart. I was dizzy. The light was too dim , my drink - too strong and the music - too loud. I was standing alone in a crowd. As the alcohol took control of me, I drifted to an unfamiliar world. My conscious mind had taken a break and the guy that normally makes decisions for me was gone, no where to be seen in the vicinity. I was a body without a soul - a mere skeleton wrapped around in flesh.
Then the infrequent visitor came by, talking to me in a low grunt. Passive yet authoritative, calm yet piercing. It was the voice in my head that I could not ignore. "Look up!!", he said. As if I was issued an order, I looked up.
Amidst all the people bumping into each other, pushing and pulling one another to get to the bar, I saw her big beautiful brown eyes through the curly hair that partially covered her face. Even in the dark, I knew she was looking straight at me. That gaze bore holes in my head. The sadness in her eyes was unmistakable. She was lost in world alien to us. It seemed like she was trying to convey a message. Blood was dripping down the corner of her mouth. I could tell from her smeared eye makeup and the puffed up, swollen eyes that she had been crying for a long time. It was as if she had woken up from an afternoon nap.
She was standing there all alone, with noone in a 5 feet radius. It appeared as though people, all clad in glamorous, flashy clothes didn't want to be near her. As I looked at her with a puzzled, questioning expression trying to figure out what she was trying to tell me, she reached for the railings and started to climb.
I suddenly realized what she was going to do. All those unsaid words were screaming out loud that she was going to jump off the balcony onto the main dance floor. I started running towards the stairs, shoving everyone in my path. I wanted to scream and call out for help; for someone to stop what was going to happen. As if my jaws were wrapped around by a metal chain, my mouth refused to open. I was screaming inside, begging for someone to help. My inside was running helter-skelter trying to contact the outside world to inform of the disaster.
As I fumbled across the hall to the stairs, I stopped for a second to look at her. It was very dark and very hard to see, but I could make out that she had climbed to the other side of the railings. The people around her were too drunk and too lost to even take notice of that.
I began climbing the stairs as hard as I could. When I reached the top of the stairs after what seemed like an eternity, I ran across the corridor to where she was standing. She looked at me one last time before letting go of her hands from the railings. It was as if she waiting for me to witness this first hand. As I reached out to pull her back in, my fingers brushed against her soft skin. Before I could clasp my fingers tight, her hand slipped away. As I saw these events unfold in front of my eyes in slow motion, I started blaming myself for setting the events in motion. If only I had not rushed to save her, if only I had not made eye contact, if only I had not gone to the party, if only I had not existed....
And then... a loud thud, blood running in all directions, people screaming, chaos ensued..
I suddenly realized what she was going to do. All those unsaid words were screaming out loud that she was going to jump off the balcony onto the main dance floor. I started running towards the stairs, shoving everyone in my path. I wanted to scream and call out for help; for someone to stop what was going to happen. As if my jaws were wrapped around by a metal chain, my mouth refused to open. I was screaming inside, begging for someone to help. My inside was running helter-skelter trying to contact the outside world to inform of the disaster.
As I fumbled across the hall to the stairs, I stopped for a second to look at her. It was very dark and very hard to see, but I could make out that she had climbed to the other side of the railings. The people around her were too drunk and too lost to even take notice of that.
I began climbing the stairs as hard as I could. When I reached the top of the stairs after what seemed like an eternity, I ran across the corridor to where she was standing. She looked at me one last time before letting go of her hands from the railings. It was as if she waiting for me to witness this first hand. As I reached out to pull her back in, my fingers brushed against her soft skin. Before I could clasp my fingers tight, her hand slipped away. As I saw these events unfold in front of my eyes in slow motion, I started blaming myself for setting the events in motion. If only I had not rushed to save her, if only I had not made eye contact, if only I had not gone to the party, if only I had not existed....
And then... a loud thud, blood running in all directions, people screaming, chaos ensued..
